Poem: Emily, Our Coworker
Emily has a boyfriend,
which she’d like us to remember,
even though we were just asking her what she felt about the weather
Emily has a boyfriend,
he’s in every conversation
about shifts or films or customers or who should clean the station
Emily has a boyfriend,
he’s all she can talk about,
did you know he drives a motorbike? Well HIS favourite beer’s a stout.
Yes we know you have a boyfriend,
no need to clarify
in every weekly meeting
that you’re taken, by that guy
We don’t care who you’re screwing,
just don’t do it at work
but if we’re on the topic,
he sounds like he’s a jerk
and don’t say we don’t know him,
we’ve heard his every trait
you’re his friggin’ oral biographer
with those factoids you relate
You make all these excuses
(that we didn’t need to hear)
for why he wasn’t at your birthday
or at Christmas this past year
And we really do not care if your sex life is in a rut
but it sounds more like his dick here is the problem, not your… flower.
Now you’ve got me talking like this —
we just work together!
Have you heard of TMI? Or of living privately?
Or of dumping your two-timing boyfriend who makes it hurt now when you pee?
Yes you talked about that too,
quite loudly, might I say,
while a customer was waiting right behind you yesterday
Please go to see a therapist
to talk about your man
about how he’s not working,
but he’s smart! And has a plan!
I get that you’re in love
and that you hope the same for me
though obviously not with you,
for you have a boyfriend, YES, I SEE.
You’re borderline obsessive,
and to be honest? Rather dim.
I am not trying to date you.
I feel like I’ve dated him.
Recent Comments