Posts Tagged ‘script’

Marvin Heemeyer – My monologue

Image of Marvin Heemeyer, infamous for his &qu...
Image via Wikipedia

Hello. I figured I might as well post my five-minute monologue as Marvin Heemeyer, builder of the Killdozer, that I performed at Intrepid Theatre’s Bring Out Your Dead, and blogged about on a couple of occasions. The performed ending went a little different, as I decided to improvise the last few lines to match the feeling of the piece on the night. I also risked staying seated for much of it, to give you a sense of the staging.

Thanks again to Janet Munsil for the opportunity. Enjoy!


Lights up. A defeated Heemeyer looks up and laughs from inside his homemade tank.

Pick-axes. Pick-axes. See, this is why all law enforcement officers should at least go through basic army training, give them a brain and a pair of balls. Should’ve called in an air strike from the get-go.

My name is Marvin Heemeyer, and this is the inside of Granby, Colorado’s very own homemade tank, roadside attraction. I got beverages in the cooler if you want one, or you can use the cameras to enjoy the view – what you can see through the smoke of the damn carburator. Won’t be long now.

Still, you reasonably ask, what drives a God-fearing, responsible man to modify a Komatsu D355-A bulldozer with 12 inches of concrete, steel armor and gunports? Why, that’d take the whole world caving in, that’d take the damn devil moving in next door and taking over city hall, corruption the likes of Jesus throwing the money lenders out of the holy temple.

I was Marv the Muffler Man, they tell you that? Ran my own shop, ads on the TV station. “Come to Marv the Muffler Man, and I’ll change yer muffler, single-handed, 20 minutes flat, guaranteed.” I was about to get married, buy a dog, American dream and all that. Then that son of a bitch Cody Docheff, devil himself, paid off City Hall to rezone the acres right next to my shop, built his cement plant right on top of the only road to me.

I went to the mayor. “My customers need a way to access my tax-paying business, sir!”

He told me to “Quit whining”; what the city had done was all perfectly legal. I fought for years. They trumped up fines against me.

So I took out a loan and bought myself a bulldozer, told city council I’d build myself and all the town a road around the plant. They wouldn’t let me. Newspapers called me unreasonable.

I was always willing to be reasonable until I had to be unreasonable.

I worked for a year and a half, nights, putting this beauty together. Inspector came by and the damn thing was hiding under a tarp! Thirteen feet tall! I thought, this is it, they’ll haul me off. But something holy clouded his vision.

Darla, my fiancee, cheated, left. Dad died. Left me with no one to leave behind – just a purpose. God blessed me for this task.

I sealed myself in, drove straight for the cement plant.

Heemeyer laughs.

Or should I say, straight through the cement plant. It snapped and crumbled as I tore through its walls. The unstoppable force of truth. Beautiful. Employees streamed out the exits like rats at a fire.

As I left, you know who was waiting for me? That son of a bitch Cody, in his front loader, blocking the way. I fired a few. He drove away… Coward.

Town Hall, ‘Liberty’ Bank, fire station – every corrupted power of the government’s tyranny, demolished. Sky-Hi Newspaper folded. Took out the mayor’s house, brick by brick.

And all along the way, police officers walking alongside, SWAT teams, unloading clips into my baby, PING! PING! PING! Bouncin’ bullets. Crushed three cop cars.

Then the damn carburator blew, tread got stuck in a basement, and here we are.

Just because they’re the government doesn’t mean they’re safe. We, the people, are the real authority. Always.

I sacrifice my life, my miserable future that you gave me, to show you what you did is wrong.

And the destruction I have wreaked upon you, I did in the name of God, justice, and revenge.

Heemeyer pulls out the handgun.

I was just Marv the Muffler Man.

Heemeyer shoots himself in the head.

Lights down.

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A script for ThePlaceKidz

January 10, 2010 Leave a comment
A 6th century mosaic of Jesus at Church San Ap...
Image via Wikipedia

Below is a first (and possibly only?) draft for a piece of theatre I’ve written that the children at my church are going to perform, based on Luke 8:22-56. Hee hee!


Enter NARRATOR to side of stage, and JESUS, centre-stage. Jesus mimes teaching to the congregation.

Jesus had been traveling through towns and villages, teaching the good news of the kingdom of God.

Enter PETER, JAMES, JOHN, DISCIPLES and WOMEN. Jesus mimes teaching to them.

With him were his disciples, and women who he had cured of evil spirits and diseases. One day, Jesus said to his disciples-

Let’s cross to the other side of this lake.

Jesus starts walking.

Uh… Jesus?


Walking across the water might be a little tough for the rest of us. Do you mind if we use a boat?

So they all stepped into the boat.

Disciples and Women hold the SIDE OF BOAT.

Well, goodnight.

Jesus sleeps. STORM people rub their hands together and slowly move to a semi-circle surrounding the boat. The Disciples and the Women are scared. They shake the sides of the boat back and forth.

Uh, Jesus?

Storm people rub their hands together more fiercely. Jesus continues to sleep.

Big J? We might have a problem here.

Storm people pat their thighs to simulate harder rain. The sides of the boat shake even more. Jesus continues to sleep.



Storm people pat their thighs really loudly. The sides of the boat are spinning. The Disciples and Women are terrified. Jesus continues to sleep.


Jesus wakes up, gets to his feet, yawns. He turns to one side and makes a stop sign with his hand.


The side turns quiet and wanders away. Jesus turns to the other side.

Quiet down!

The other side turns quiet and wanders away. The disciples and the women are amazed.


Where is your faith?

PETER (stammering)
Well, you see, I put it down somewhere, and thought I left it on my desk, but then I couldn’t find it, and it’s always in the last place you look, right?

That was a rhetorical question.


Jesus shakes his head disapprovingly at him.

They sailed on into the country of the Gerasenes, directly opposite Galilee.

The sides of the boat are put away and Jesus, the Disciples, and the Women exit. The actors who were the storm come on as PIGS, wearing pig noses made from old egg cartons. They oink on the stage. FARMER BETH and FARMER SUE enter.

Sure is a peaceful day to look after our pigs, eh Sue?

Sure is, Beth. I like a day where absolutely nothing of any importance happens.



A POSSESSED MAN jumps out, wearing all black, with a sign on him saying ‘naked’. He is crazy in an evil Tasmanian Devil sort of way, booga-booga-ing, frothing, and scaring Beth and Sue, who run and hide to the side. The Possessed Man spasms a lot.

What’s wrong with him? And is he… naked?

He’s been seen around this area for a long time. He’s possessed by demons – he even lives in the cemetery!

Jesus enters. The POSSESSED MAN sees him and screams at Jesus. Jesus looks at him calmly.

Come out of that man.

The Possessed Man screams again at Jesus.

I know who you are!

The POSSESSED MAN falls on his knees before Jesus.

What do you want with me, Jesus, son of the Most High God? Don’t torture me!!!

What is your name?

Legion. For we are a legion of demons inside this man! Don’t send us to the abyss! Anywhere but there! Anywhere! Send us instead into… these pigs!

The Possessed Man gestures to the pigs oinking onstage.


The Possessed Man screams, then falls flat to the ground. The pigs all squeal and run off the side of the stage, making lots of pig-dying noises as they fall down just offstage.

We’ve got to go tell the town!

Farmer Beth and Farmer Sue run off and bring the TOWNSPEOPLE onstage. The Formerly Possessed Man puts on a coat and sits calmly, cross-legged, at Jesus’ side.

Look! Look! I told you he was cured!

All the townspeople see the peaceful formerly possessed man. The formerly possessed man waves hello – All the townspeople shrink back, afraid.

But that… that isn’t possible! If this man did that…

The townspeople all look at Jesus, terrified. The TOWNSPERSON walks up to Jesus.

Y-y-y-y-you better go! W-w-w-w-e don’t want you here!

The townspeople, the terrified townsperson, Farmer Sue, and Farmer Beth exit.

JESUS (to the formerly possessed man)
Go home and tell everyone everything that God has done in you.

The formerly possessed man exits. The Disciples enter and follow Jesus as he walks along the stage.

A HUGE CROWD of people (including the former pigs and the former townspeople) and JAIRUS enter. JAIRUS’ DAUGHTER lies down in a very visible place to the side (on the ridge of the baptismal place?), with a SERVANT and JAIRUS’ WIFE by her side. The Daughter groans, barely moving.

When Jesus returned, a great big crowd was waiting for him, including a man named Jairus, who had a very sick daughter.

Jairus falls to Jesus’ feet.

Please, please, PLEASE come back to my home! My twelve-year-old daughter is dying. Please, help her!

Jairus was not the only person who came for Jesus’ help. A woman was there who had been bleeding for twelve years, without end.

BLEEDING WOMAN steps slightly out of the crowd, to the audience.

In an attempt to be healed when all doctors had failed her, she reached out and touched the tip of Jesus’ cloak.

BLEEDING WOMAN sneaks up behind Jesus and touches the tip of his cloak.

JESUS (seemingly angry)
Who just touched me?

The crowd (including the Bleeding Woman) all steps back, saying ‘Not me!’ and ‘I didn’t!’ and ‘I wouldn’t dare’, etcetera.

Master, the whole crowd was pressing against you. They’re rather pushy. Personal space, people, come on!

Someone touched me. I felt power go out from me.

The bleeding woman steps forward.

I did. You see, I’ve been bleeding without stop for twelve years now, and the doctors don’t know how to fix me, but when I saw you I knew that if I could just touch you, you would heal me. So I did, and now… I’m healed.

Your faith has healed you, for you trusted in me. Go in peace.

Jairus’ Daughter stops moving.

My daughter!

The SERVANT runs across the stage and pulls Jairus aside. Jesus overhears their conversation.

Sir, I’m sorry, but your daughter has died. No need now to bother the teacher.

Jesus walks over to Jairus.

Do not be afraid – just trust in me and she will be healed.

Jesus, Jairus, Peter, James, and John walk over to the daughter and her mother. The other actors exit the stage. Jairus and Jairus’ Wife cry and wail over their dead daughter.

Don’t cry; she hasn’t died. She’s sleeping.

Jairus and Jairus’ Wife look up at him and laugh, sadly.

Thank you for coming, but my daughter is dead.

Jesus holds Jairus’ Daughter’s hand.

My dear child, wake up.

Jairus’ Daughter immediately sits up.

Prince Charming?

Jairus and his wife hug their daughter.

Her parents were ecstatic, but Jesus warned them to keep quiet.

Don’t tell a soul what happened in this room.

Uh… question. If we were to, say, hypothetically, later on down the road write a book about you and what you’re doing, a sort of biography, good news, yadda yadda, do you think we could write about this, then? Because it’s a pretty cool story.

The end.


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