The top 10 things you don’t want to hear from your airplane pilot:
(1) Good afternoon, everyone. This is the pilot speaking, and I’ve just found the intercom button. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty excited about that.
(2) Zoooooooooooooooooooooooooom!
(3) Has anyone else seen Snakes On A Plane?
(4) Testing, one two three. Testing…
(5) I can so land the plane on my own. Wanna bet?
(6) We have now arrived at our final destination in New Jersey.
(7) For our in-flight films this evening we have a marvelous selection of White Girls followed by something starring Pauly Shore.
(8) As part of our landing procedure, I would now like to ask everyone to lower their feet through the floor as our pterodactyl approaches the runway.
(9) Right, so according to google maps, we now turn right for 200 kilometres, then…
(10) And please help yourselves to the duty-free alcohol – It’s really really really really really really good. Trust me.
Andrew Wade 